Speaking when not spoken to...

I remember watching Oprah, or something similar, when I was a teenager and a guest on the show intrigued me.  The guest had made a  personal promise to not speak a word for 1 full year.  They could use a computer to type messages, or write down notes.  But absolutely NO SPEAKING.  Why?  They said that it was a way to search themselves, to become a listener.  I really don't remember the details of why, but i remember the basic idea and the outcome.  This person did in fact become more of a listener instead of a talker.  They also decided to not talk so much anymore after the full year was over.  They also began to question why they ever felt that they had to talk so much in the first place.

Sometimes I feel that this is a journey that i must go on.  unfortunately, my job requires me to talk A LOT.  Some days I will suffer from laryngitis because i talk so much, even yell over the loud music in the area.  So there is no way that i could actually do a 365 day silence.   But I can calm it down.

I love to talk, not sure why.  Maybe because I look for ways to fit into the conversation, to be accepted. I talk loud too!  not on purpose, i really have a hearing issue.  I can pass hearing tests no problem.  But for some reason I cannot hear myself very well.  When i feel like i am talking normal, i am loud to others.  If i talk at a good volume, i cannot hear a word coming out of my mouth, and i get lost in what i am saying.  So i naturally talk loud.

So i love to talk, and when i do, i talk LOUD.  Not a good combo, huh?  Well it is something that has made others not enjoy my company.  I don't blame them, i get annoyed when someone walks into the room and starts talking loud and being overly silly for the attention.  I probably look like THAT person to others.

I have already started this fix, but it will be a long and slow process since i must talk so much at my daily job.  When I hear conversation, let THEM talk.  Don't butt in.  Only join, when they begin to speak to you.  When I walk into a room, don't say anything but a simple Good morning/Good Afternoon etc.  This will be my first step.  I do NOT want to try everything all at once.  I will have to tackle this one step at a time.

Why do I care about all this?  Well in order to find Peace in life, I must project Peace to the World.  How can i be peaceful when i make those around me uncomfortable.  Some people will argue, "but people should accept you for who you are".  My response to that is simple this: one cannot expect to be at peace within themselves if they know that their ways are affecting others negatively.  Of course you cannot make everyone happy, but trust me - walking into a room, announcing yourself and being loud and silly is not going to make anyone happy - in fact it gets annoying and in the end, it will make you unhappy.

Being negative all the time does the same thing.  however if people dislike you because you are bubbly and positive all the time, then that is their problem, b/c it may annoy a few, but most people will be able to feed off of that energy, and will make their day (and yours) better!

As long as you accept yourself then you really have nothing to change - if being loud and obnoxious works for you, then keep it up.  however if it is making it harder for you to find peace, you must embrace this part of you, find a good use for it, then limit it to ONLY certain situations.

Never shut down a part of yourself, it will erupt like a volcano one day - or send you into a deep depression (more on that topic later).