When I saw him biting himself really hard one day after he got angry with me. I immediately realized that he is struggling with his emotions, as I always have. Here is my chance to take something so negative in my life and turn it around and make it positive.
I realize that if I had not gone through this, I would not have noticed it, nor understood it. But since I do, I am trying to figure out how I can help him. So far, I have just been giving him a hug, telling him I love him and also telling him that I understand his frustrations, and that I get angry too. But hurting yourself only makes it worse. Instead he should give a loud scream, and cry. it is better to let it out than hold it in. Holding it in i think made me hurt myself. If I could have just run into my parent's arms and cried it out, I would have. But I never felt that I could do that. I was punished for crying and screaming, so I think deep inside it made me hold my emotions in.
In our house, we allow crying - NOT WHINING. crying is okay. It is the best healer. A quick scream to release anger is healthy too. Constant screaming - Not okay. This is not scientifically proven, this is just something that I have noticed works for MY personality. And since Jordan seems to be my emotional clone, I hope that I can help him cope this in 5 years, when it took me 30 years.
I think God gave me this little gift in my son to help me learn as well. I still struggle to handle my emotions, you can ask my hubby! I think seeing my emotions in my son it gives me a different perspective and gives me a different view on how to handle it. What a blessing I have!
When my little nephew does something he's not supposed to, he will slap his hand after we tell him not to. We are still trying to figure out how to help him with that. He's not even two yet and we find it a bit strange.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you about crying and screaming. 100%. Sometimes I just feel weird and I need a really good cry. For me the best time is before it's time for me to fall asleep, because I sleep well after and then the morning really feels brand new.
slapping, biting, hitting, kicking and throwing are all signs of frustration, and little kids under 5 just do not know how to handle that complicated emotion. when they throw something, they get in trouble - so they hit. then they get in trouble for that, so they kick stuff. then after they have done all the above, the only thing they have left to do is bite themselves, or slap themselves. it is normal, but it is not normal for parents to not help toddlers cope with it and redirect their frustrations the best they can.
ReplyDeletemany parents do not do that, instead they find a way for keep any of that from happening by giving the kids what they want before the BLOW UP. You and I see this everyday at our job - spoiled kids that get everything after they cry and scream.
ya need to let the kid throw its fit. it the child resorts to hurting themselves, then the only thing we can do is tell them that it won't solve anything, it will only hurt them more and make the situation worse. we also need to tell them that we love them and when they are ready to calm down, we are there for them no matter what. communicating love is the most important thing ever!.... new blog post!.......GO! .... stay tuned