Been a while, I know. It is not that I have not had anything to say, it is that i had too much to say, and most was pretty negative and angry. And as much of an open book as I am, I didn't want to be THAT open and nasty. We all have those days, weeks or even months don't we? Sure we do! We are all human. We have emotions, and it is okay to have them, it is how we HANDLE those emotions that make us better people.
I teach this to my son. When he wants a cookie, or toy, or just wants to watch CARS for the umpteenth time he has to ask nicely. If he starts whining we refuse. Then of course he breaks out into the toddler tantrum. I immediately start looking for "big boy". "Where is big boy? BIG BOY... WHERE ARE YOUUUUUU?????" he quickly stops crying and says "big boy right here." I then tell him, "oh there you are! Are you sad? are you angry that i said no? Well it is okay to be sad and angry, but it is NOT okay to throw a fit! It is how you handle it, Jordan." I know he does not completely understand me, but as long as i keep saying it, it will one day make sense and hopefully stick into his brain.
Dr Phil often says.... "Don't do it until... Do it UNTIL!" meaning, don't do it until you give up.... do it UNTIL they finally get it and cooperate with you.
I feel that as parents we should start lessons early. Don't be upset if your kid does not "get it" instead just keep teaching them. repeat those words that go over their head. one day the words will make sense, and by then, the words are already instilled in their brain and you are ahead of the game. begin good habits and practices early so that they will never learn the bad habits. Many parents, including my hubby, have often said "he is two, let him be two, he will figure it out." I agree to let them be kids, but certain good habits are so much easier to teach if you don't have to break bad habits first. so why not teach them proper ways of doing things right off the bat.
When you teach a kid to eat food, we teach them to hold their fork or spoon. we don't "let them be kids" and eat with their hands, right? could you imagine if we did that. it would be so hard to make a 5 year old hold his fork (it is too much fun to eat with your hands!) So you see, nip the bad habits in the bud. communicate with you child even if they don't understand everything. one day they will, then it will all make sense and it will not be as much of an issue with them to do what you say.
It works. I talked to Jordan like he was adult since the age of 1. I knew he did not understand a word I was saying. Now that he is beginning to understand it, I can tell that he is thinking it through. It will pay off one day, i never give up. I am determined to raise a kid that has a better handle on themselves than i do. I am still a mess. ha ha!
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Thursday, August 15, 2013
walking the fence
Today I got to work with a group of people that I enjoy working with. One of the people, we will call them Sally, in the group was there as a spare helper, and not there normally. The other person, whom we will call Jane, is in this location day in and day out everyday, all week. So this is their spot. Sally however, has been working for the company longer and has done more in her years there, and has more experience through the years. So these 2 people have 2 different styles of getting the job done right. Well, today those styles clashed. I was only with this group for about an hour and a half, and I could tell that there was a lot of tension.
It seems that the two did not communicate well. They seemed to have preset judgements about each other. so when Sally did something that Jane did not like, Jane got upset and quit talking to Sally about it. Instead Jane just talked about it to everyone else, including me. Then I spoke to Sally and she was worried about satisfying the customers (Guests as we call them) more than anything. We know that we cannot make everyone happy, BUT it is our job to do the best we can. And today unfortunately we had a situation that was going to make many people unhappy, so Sally was doing the best she could to maintain the happiness. Jane was not so much worried about that, she was more sticking to her usual daily job. She does not worry about it when people get upset, she works in a mind set where she knows that she cannot make everyone happy, and that is too bad, she has to get the job done and there is nothing more that she can do to make anyone happier.
Again 2 styles of working to get the job done - clashing big time. throw in a lack of understanding, compassion and zero communication and you have one hell of a bad day. Neither person even tried to understand the other side of the fence. Jane just assumed one thing about Sally, and Sally made up her mind that Jane did not care at all. Unfortunately Sally ended up getting all the angry guests, and Jane got to go in the back and escape the angry mobs.
After i tried to explain to each party of why the other was acting a certain way, they both had valid reasons for being upset at each other. I can see both sides. but what ultimately needs to happen, is that they need to communicate and work it out and find common ground to build a proper working machine!
I am a very compassionate person. I can see all sides of the fence, and i tend to sit right in the middle and watch. I don't pick a side unless one side is WAY WAY WAY out of line. and even then, I give them a chance to prove themselves to me before I make a decision. I have been criticized for not picking sides between friends. ultimately it ended a bunch of friendships.
I am not one to say "you are right - the other person is wrong". No. I am not wishy washy. Instead i say "i understand". that does not mean you are right and they are wrong. Nope! it simply means I get it, and i see your side of the story.
So I walk on fences all the time. I observe. I listen, I try to help the communication if i see a need to, but I try to stay out of picking sides. If i am not a part of the drama, I won't volunteer to become a part of it. Just because Sally and Jane were at odds does not mean that i am going to be at odds with either of them individually. I take each relationship as its own. if jane and sally hate eachother, that is their relationship, not mine.
Keep an open mind, and open heart and communicate with everyone around you. you may find that little bit of compassion inside that can help you begin to understand the other side.
The Disney movie "Brother Bear" is a great reminder of this. As Phil Collins sang: Everything will become clear to you, when you see things through another's eyes."
It seems that the two did not communicate well. They seemed to have preset judgements about each other. so when Sally did something that Jane did not like, Jane got upset and quit talking to Sally about it. Instead Jane just talked about it to everyone else, including me. Then I spoke to Sally and she was worried about satisfying the customers (Guests as we call them) more than anything. We know that we cannot make everyone happy, BUT it is our job to do the best we can. And today unfortunately we had a situation that was going to make many people unhappy, so Sally was doing the best she could to maintain the happiness. Jane was not so much worried about that, she was more sticking to her usual daily job. She does not worry about it when people get upset, she works in a mind set where she knows that she cannot make everyone happy, and that is too bad, she has to get the job done and there is nothing more that she can do to make anyone happier.
Again 2 styles of working to get the job done - clashing big time. throw in a lack of understanding, compassion and zero communication and you have one hell of a bad day. Neither person even tried to understand the other side of the fence. Jane just assumed one thing about Sally, and Sally made up her mind that Jane did not care at all. Unfortunately Sally ended up getting all the angry guests, and Jane got to go in the back and escape the angry mobs.
After i tried to explain to each party of why the other was acting a certain way, they both had valid reasons for being upset at each other. I can see both sides. but what ultimately needs to happen, is that they need to communicate and work it out and find common ground to build a proper working machine!
I am a very compassionate person. I can see all sides of the fence, and i tend to sit right in the middle and watch. I don't pick a side unless one side is WAY WAY WAY out of line. and even then, I give them a chance to prove themselves to me before I make a decision. I have been criticized for not picking sides between friends. ultimately it ended a bunch of friendships.
I am not one to say "you are right - the other person is wrong". No. I am not wishy washy. Instead i say "i understand". that does not mean you are right and they are wrong. Nope! it simply means I get it, and i see your side of the story.
So I walk on fences all the time. I observe. I listen, I try to help the communication if i see a need to, but I try to stay out of picking sides. If i am not a part of the drama, I won't volunteer to become a part of it. Just because Sally and Jane were at odds does not mean that i am going to be at odds with either of them individually. I take each relationship as its own. if jane and sally hate eachother, that is their relationship, not mine.
Keep an open mind, and open heart and communicate with everyone around you. you may find that little bit of compassion inside that can help you begin to understand the other side.
The Disney movie "Brother Bear" is a great reminder of this. As Phil Collins sang: Everything will become clear to you, when you see things through another's eyes."
Friday, August 9, 2013
I am just trying to be like the "cool kids" and fit in...
Laziness has overtaken me. I have not posted b/c i have been lazy! I haven't really been able to think to myself even. But maybe that is because I have not focused on myself enough this past week.
So, this weekend I am going to jot down some things that i need to get out of my head, and onto this blog. Thoughts have swirled in my mind, but nothing has really popped out as something that i need to write about. I think this is a mistake. I should write about it no matter how small i think it is. Small things become big.
Here is one small thing that i can write about now, as a matter of fact.
I am easily amused and entertained. I am like a 4 year old when it comes to entertainment. I can watch a crappy Disney sequel and enjoy it (except cinderella II, that was just awful). I will be with friends and we might be on the subject of movies, or books, or TV. And a title will come up and someone will talk about how awful it is. I don't really argue. I am afraid to look like an idiot that likes garbage. instead i will pick out one good thing to say about the subject matter, and act like I only like that one thing. when in fact - I enjoyed all of it.
For example my friends and I were riding the Dinosaur ride at Animal Kingdom and they were talking about how awful the Dinosaur movie was. yea yea - i know it probably was pretty bad. But i was so into it. I was not so much into the story, but more into the new cutting edge mix of realistic CG texturing and animation where the characters antics were more cartoon-like. Plus it was filmed with live action backgrounds from Australia, and the Music was gorgeous. But I was too afraid to show that i enjoyed the film after they just dogged it. so i just simply said "only thing i liked was the music"... NOT TRUE i liked more than that - but would I tell them and look like a loser? no....
I wasn't being honest. this is a tough thing for me to get over. For YEARS I was made fun of because I liked things that no one else did, and I was labeled a loser/dork because of it. I strive to be accepted on a daily basis. So to this day I tend to try not to let on how much of a loser I still am. Sorry, I guess I just enjoy all of life, even the crappy lame stuff. ha ha!
I just need to learn to learn not to worry about what others think and just be me. but that is so hard to tell a 31 year old to do that! especially since she has been doing that to herself for over 20 years!
So, this weekend I am going to jot down some things that i need to get out of my head, and onto this blog. Thoughts have swirled in my mind, but nothing has really popped out as something that i need to write about. I think this is a mistake. I should write about it no matter how small i think it is. Small things become big.
Here is one small thing that i can write about now, as a matter of fact.
I am easily amused and entertained. I am like a 4 year old when it comes to entertainment. I can watch a crappy Disney sequel and enjoy it (except cinderella II, that was just awful). I will be with friends and we might be on the subject of movies, or books, or TV. And a title will come up and someone will talk about how awful it is. I don't really argue. I am afraid to look like an idiot that likes garbage. instead i will pick out one good thing to say about the subject matter, and act like I only like that one thing. when in fact - I enjoyed all of it.
For example my friends and I were riding the Dinosaur ride at Animal Kingdom and they were talking about how awful the Dinosaur movie was. yea yea - i know it probably was pretty bad. But i was so into it. I was not so much into the story, but more into the new cutting edge mix of realistic CG texturing and animation where the characters antics were more cartoon-like. Plus it was filmed with live action backgrounds from Australia, and the Music was gorgeous. But I was too afraid to show that i enjoyed the film after they just dogged it. so i just simply said "only thing i liked was the music"... NOT TRUE i liked more than that - but would I tell them and look like a loser? no....
I wasn't being honest. this is a tough thing for me to get over. For YEARS I was made fun of because I liked things that no one else did, and I was labeled a loser/dork because of it. I strive to be accepted on a daily basis. So to this day I tend to try not to let on how much of a loser I still am. Sorry, I guess I just enjoy all of life, even the crappy lame stuff. ha ha!
I just need to learn to learn not to worry about what others think and just be me. but that is so hard to tell a 31 year old to do that! especially since she has been doing that to herself for over 20 years!
Sunday, August 4, 2013
Cleaning Up My Act and Organizing Life.
I love organization! It makes me feel like I am in control of my life. Like I am actually getting somewhere by putting things in order. But as soon as I organize it, I make a mess of it all. I can't stay organized. I think I get this from my mom. She is a very organized person, but her office is a HUGE mess. She constantly has to clean up after herself. I am totally the same.
I am not a slob, i don't have candy wrappers or food left on plates, i just have piles of laundry in the corner of my closet instead of hampers, and piles of mail, boxes of junk, etc. I am not a hoarder, but i do hang onto stuff more than i should.
Right now as i sit here on my computer I look around my house. on the stairs I have a small pile of clothing to be put away in my son's room, some towels in towels to be placed in the lenin closet, the diaper bag hanging on the banister and Clint's SCION visor. One the floor, my son's dirty laundry that needs to be put into the hamper in the laundry room. a few DVD cases are sitting on the floor in front of the TV, a small Toy Story ball rests on the floor as well as a firemen's hat and a Where's Waldo book. The coffee table is full of Jordan's Coloring pages, Crayons, a sipee cup and some toy cars and planes. The Kitchen is pretty much the same, but all kitchen stuff: Towels, bowls, salt and pepper grinders, bread, a few toys, 2 cameras some stationary and my wedding binder... stuff everywhere. nothing gross - just cluttered.
Sometimes it's too much that I do not know where to start. So I just sit there and STARE at it all instead of doing anything about it. But today i did a tiny bit of organizing in my pantry and it made me feel better. Just that little bit inspired me to go further.
You can apply this to any part of your life. If life begins to feel so cluttered, that you don't know where to start, just start on something TINY, something easy and it will inspire you to move forward and do more.
The next challenge is keeping it clean and organized. The key to that is staying aware of how you begin to clutter, and to NOT be lazy and clean up after yourself. HAH! This will be tough!
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Religion - Where do I stand as I find my way on my path to healing?
Throughout life I have come across situations where religion has come up. Sometimes its too heavy, sometimes it is non - existent. I feel that it is important to know where you stand when it comes to religion, or lack there of. The path you take in religion, leads you along your path in life and ultimately to your purpose in life.
This country was built "Under God", and I was raised a Christian and continue to live as a Christian. Yet I DO NOT believe that Western Religion/Christianity is the only way of life. I think each religion is correct in their own cultures. It is the way that individuals interpret them, that can steer them in a negative direction.
I am not going to critique different beliefs, I think they all serve their purpose and people find their niche within whatever "book" they choose.
But i bring up religion because my process of healing will happen with God and Jesus at my side. I am not one to talk about religion much. I don't post on FB and twitter about Jesus walking besides me, or that we must find Jesus Christ in our hearts to be saved....ugh, i might as well walk door to door and sell everyone a Bible, and bring a sign up sheet to join the Church. No, That is not me.
In fact, that to me is just as annoying as walking into a Theme park with a photographer in your face "stand right there, mom, say cheese!" and they take a photo without asking. No wonder people think we are so nice at Disney - we never shove cameras in their face and force them to take photos. Nor do we ask them if they want one. We let them ask for a photo, if they wish (unless it is a character location, of course - no time to ask - must take super cute HUG shot!)
Or as annoying as a car salesman talking about how great a car is, and trying to get you suckered into buying it. I go to a Toyota dealership to see my hubby, and I drive a 9 year old Scion xB. I am perfectly happy with my choice to keep the car that i love so much! I have no plans to buy anything soon. But now this salesman starts talking about this highlander and how much better it is. More space, More cup holders, More gadgets, More HP, Better this, More that. No I am just fine where I am right now. in fact him talking to me about this has completely turned me off and made me understand why people hate car salesmen.
I feel the same about religion. as soon as someone gets all preachy, i am turned off. there is a difference between being informative and being preachy. being informative is maybe saying a bible verse here and there publicly b/c the time in your life calls for it. But you mainly keep things to yourself unless someone asks you for guidance then you open up with all sorts of information and you help those who ask. Being preachy is publicly talking about religion right or wrongs, bible versus to the public almost daily, giving religious advice, information and guidance without being asked.
I have a friend at work who is so sweet and she does missions and is deep with her religious roots. she pops a bible verse here and there, of course she mentions God and Jesus and how He is helping her in life. That is not preachy. She actually makes me want to be closer to God. But then when people are saying that the only way to heaven is to do this, and that. or that people need to change their ways in order to be taken into heaven, or that gays are sinners and not allowed in the church, etc, etc. I cannot handle that. Bravo for those people expressing their beliefs, but I cannot follow them... I will walk the other way.
So where am I? Like i stated earlier. I feel that all religions should be accepted and respected in the world. Hinduism, Buddhism, Christianity, Judaism, Mormonism, Catholicism, Islam, etc. all have the right to be respected by other practices in the world. many will argue with me. but that is my belief, they have theirs.
I grew up going to a Presbyterian Church and my closest friends were Episcopalians. Those two Protestant branches are ver lenient on other religions and even ways of life. Both accept gays into the church and some of them even ordain them as ministers. Both believe that all humans are given the chance to enter heaven after life as long as their heart is good. Of course each branch has different, more or less rules to enter the Golden Gates, but overall the two are very forgiving, because Jesus was very forgiving. The word SIN was rarely used in church, only in Bible versus, but even then, it was always known that sin was common, and easily forgiven if the heart of the beholder is good.
So for me, do what you want, be who you will... as long as your heart is good - then God welcomes you, always!
So that is where i stand. this is the direction i will take with God as He helps me walk down on my Peppermint Trail. I am ready, now that i have a more clear understanding.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Celebrating Life and Mourning Death all in the same day
Celebrating Life:
This weekend was my son's 3rd birthday celebration. But yesterday, July 30th, was my son's actual birthday. Over the weekend family came over and we did a small family only party with games that demonstrated how smart Jordan really is. Each game required the guests to guess how many items Jordan could name correctly. The closest guess won. I would hold up toy cars and ask him the color, he got 90% of them right. How many letters in the alphabet do you think he named correctly? How about 18! That even surprised me! He named 7 out of 9 shapes, and out of 50 Disney characters he named about 27 right off the bat. After that we ate cupcakes (Jordan still refuses to eat them) and opened presents. He was a lucky kid this year. He got some fun Mexican souveneirs from my mom's trip to mexico, a whoopie cushion (oh man he loves that thing), Duplo Legos, a big blow up toy that he can crawl inside, Toys from the new Disney Planes movie, and a little crochet Toothless the Dragon plushie that I had my friend make for him. After that we went to eat some fantastic family style Italian dinner at Buca di Beppo.
Of course, Monday was his real birthday and we did a small celebration for him between the 3 of us. My husband surprised his daycare class with 16 Ironman cupcakes to celebrate his birthday! Then after work we all went to Target to pick out another airplane from the Disney Planes movie and a hot wheels car. We got home and had movie night, complete with nachos and popcorn (popcoyts as Jordan called it). The night ended great. We sent Jordan to bed as we watched the new episode of America's Got Talent.
Mourning Death:
Halfway through AGT, I read an article on Orlando Sentinel's website about a co worker who had died. To me a coworker is 1 of 60,000 people. So at first I was sad that it happened but I didn't really look much into it. Then as i read on, i noticed that it said a certain intersection that i passed by on my way home. I saw a totaled grey SUV that was smashed up on the roof and the passenger side, as if it flipped. I didn't see any ambulances, no debris, only a Florida Highway Patrol cop and 3 more of them driving the opposite direction of me a mile further down the road. The accident happened to be right next to a fire department, so naturally I think - "oh thank God, they wrecked right next to the paramedics, they are probably okay". But according to this news article the person was NOT okay, was air lifted and died in the hospital. Then I read his name in the article.
My heart dropped, eyes welled up, I didn't just know him, I was friends with him. I joked with him, laughed with him, talked about life with him. He was a huge part of our "family" at work. he really held a lot of our operation together. He touched so many lives on a daily basis.
What saddens me is that I saw him briefly just that morning. I said "Hello" as I passed by him quickly to get to the time clock. I knew he would want to hear about Jordan's 3rd birthday celebration over the weekend, but i knew i would have time to tell him later. he looked tired and upset, so i did not want to bother him. I should have bothered him, but since i didn't my last memory is that quick hello.
Going into work today was very tough. Everyone cried, hugged. Come people found out the minute they walked into work and broke down into tears. you could tell that this man touched everyone's hearts. We kept our smiles for our guests, but deep inside we are all mourning our loss. tomorrow, I am sure it will start all over again, as more and more begin to learn about how we lost our friend.
Life is precious! Don't just celebrate life on birthdays. make sure you say more than just a quick hello to those you love. I wish i could go back and say "thank you for making me laugh when i was struggling! Thank you for always being a great team player on a tough day, and for making my job just a bit easier by helping me out." I hope he knows how many people loved him! We lost not just a great so-worker, but a great friend!
This weekend was my son's 3rd birthday celebration. But yesterday, July 30th, was my son's actual birthday. Over the weekend family came over and we did a small family only party with games that demonstrated how smart Jordan really is. Each game required the guests to guess how many items Jordan could name correctly. The closest guess won. I would hold up toy cars and ask him the color, he got 90% of them right. How many letters in the alphabet do you think he named correctly? How about 18! That even surprised me! He named 7 out of 9 shapes, and out of 50 Disney characters he named about 27 right off the bat. After that we ate cupcakes (Jordan still refuses to eat them) and opened presents. He was a lucky kid this year. He got some fun Mexican souveneirs from my mom's trip to mexico, a whoopie cushion (oh man he loves that thing), Duplo Legos, a big blow up toy that he can crawl inside, Toys from the new Disney Planes movie, and a little crochet Toothless the Dragon plushie that I had my friend make for him. After that we went to eat some fantastic family style Italian dinner at Buca di Beppo.
Of course, Monday was his real birthday and we did a small celebration for him between the 3 of us. My husband surprised his daycare class with 16 Ironman cupcakes to celebrate his birthday! Then after work we all went to Target to pick out another airplane from the Disney Planes movie and a hot wheels car. We got home and had movie night, complete with nachos and popcorn (popcoyts as Jordan called it). The night ended great. We sent Jordan to bed as we watched the new episode of America's Got Talent.
Mourning Death:
Halfway through AGT, I read an article on Orlando Sentinel's website about a co worker who had died. To me a coworker is 1 of 60,000 people. So at first I was sad that it happened but I didn't really look much into it. Then as i read on, i noticed that it said a certain intersection that i passed by on my way home. I saw a totaled grey SUV that was smashed up on the roof and the passenger side, as if it flipped. I didn't see any ambulances, no debris, only a Florida Highway Patrol cop and 3 more of them driving the opposite direction of me a mile further down the road. The accident happened to be right next to a fire department, so naturally I think - "oh thank God, they wrecked right next to the paramedics, they are probably okay". But according to this news article the person was NOT okay, was air lifted and died in the hospital. Then I read his name in the article.
My heart dropped, eyes welled up, I didn't just know him, I was friends with him. I joked with him, laughed with him, talked about life with him. He was a huge part of our "family" at work. he really held a lot of our operation together. He touched so many lives on a daily basis.
What saddens me is that I saw him briefly just that morning. I said "Hello" as I passed by him quickly to get to the time clock. I knew he would want to hear about Jordan's 3rd birthday celebration over the weekend, but i knew i would have time to tell him later. he looked tired and upset, so i did not want to bother him. I should have bothered him, but since i didn't my last memory is that quick hello.
Going into work today was very tough. Everyone cried, hugged. Come people found out the minute they walked into work and broke down into tears. you could tell that this man touched everyone's hearts. We kept our smiles for our guests, but deep inside we are all mourning our loss. tomorrow, I am sure it will start all over again, as more and more begin to learn about how we lost our friend.
Life is precious! Don't just celebrate life on birthdays. make sure you say more than just a quick hello to those you love. I wish i could go back and say "thank you for making me laugh when i was struggling! Thank you for always being a great team player on a tough day, and for making my job just a bit easier by helping me out." I hope he knows how many people loved him! We lost not just a great so-worker, but a great friend!
Sunday, July 28, 2013
When My Heart Felt the Most Pain
So many things are going through my mind right now. But one thing that constantly pops up, is my biggest heartbreak in life. (this is really long and personal, sorry if it bores you)
Heartbreak. Telling someone that "it will get better" after their heart has been severely broken is great and all, but it seems so unrealistic to the person who has been hurt. I had my heart broken about 3 or 4 years ago by group of close friends. its a LONG drawn out story that is 3 or 4 years in the making. only recently did we mostly sever ties. We agreed to just let things be so that it never got nasty to a point where we would avoid each other if we saw each other. So i guess it is the best possible way for things to end, but it is so painful, even to this day.
Life is actually less stressful, since i no longer feel that i have to walk on eggshells and watch what I say and do. Yes i know, that is NOT a healthy relationship with anyone. But i so deeply invested myself and my love for these people, that it was tough to let it go. I still love them, and if i saw them i would give them a huge huge and tell them that i missed them greatly.
But its not that I miss the recent relationship with them. I miss the "past that could have been". I miss the friendship that was forming. I do not miss what it became. I do not hate them, i do not dislike them either. i dislike what the friendship became. that it the only thing that made it easier to movie on. and once i did, life became less stressful mentally and emotionally. I was always trying to prove myself, to prove i was worthy of their friendship, that i was trustworthy.
I was friends with someone whom they were not fond of all at. again, its a long story. But this began the heartbreak. They all refused to go my birthday dinner b/c she was invited. Then whenever i had a g2g, they would not go b/c she was there. I had to have separate parties at my house for those friends, and a different one where she was invited. i had to invite only certain people and if i had a party with her, and they were not invited they would be upset that i did not invite them. But it got so bad that when i was pregnant with my son, i planned a baby shower. and i invited everyone. but b/c one person was invited that entire group could not go. some refused, some made up excuses, some probably had legitimate excuses (although my family didn't believe any of the excuses). so those people whom i loved very much were not there for my baby shower, nor did they plan their own shower for me.
This was the CLIMAX of heartbreak. Then my hubby and I got engaged last year. The friend whom the other group did not like was becoming closer and closer to me. that is usually what happened when one person pushes you away so much, you naturally, subconsciously look elsewhere for a happy relationship (this is often why there are affairs). She made me a bridesmaid for her wedding, and when the time came, i decided to have her for my matron of honor. Well of course this upset the other group and they pretty much told me then and there that they were done. of course they were not nasty about it, it was more sad than anything. i shed a few tears with one of them over the phone. But that was that.
But i think it was best for them, for me and for everyone. I wish they were still close, but in the relationship that started, not where it lead to. i think it became toxic for all of us. They did love Jordan a lot. one of them would have been the best mommy in the world, but was not planning of having children. so she was great with jordan. I miss her and her little sister the most, as i was closest to them.
Time heals things. it will take time, maybe a lot of time. But it will be worth it to be able to smile with them again. It won't be the same, obviously. but it will be better than it is now, and we will all probably laugh at how young we were and how we had drama. if love is there, it will heal. so hopefully they love me as much as i love them. if not, it was not meant to be. that realizaton will probably break my heart a little more, but it won't be as painful as i have already been through with them.
This has been the hardest thing i have had in life and it still haunts me as i try to make new friends. They were such a huge part of my life (10-12 years of it). trying to make new friends has been easy, but my trust level in the friendship lasting is hard. i have been open and honest with these friends though, so that they know why i am slow at growing and investing in the relationship.
But my wedding was great! My new friends came and celebrated with me. I was not going to have any friends at my wedding, but my new friendships were strong enough for me to feel that they did belong there. To these people, I am grateful for their love and friendship. to the past friends, i feel that they are still friends - just long lost friends that will be rekindled as time heals all things.
Heartbreak. Telling someone that "it will get better" after their heart has been severely broken is great and all, but it seems so unrealistic to the person who has been hurt. I had my heart broken about 3 or 4 years ago by group of close friends. its a LONG drawn out story that is 3 or 4 years in the making. only recently did we mostly sever ties. We agreed to just let things be so that it never got nasty to a point where we would avoid each other if we saw each other. So i guess it is the best possible way for things to end, but it is so painful, even to this day.
Life is actually less stressful, since i no longer feel that i have to walk on eggshells and watch what I say and do. Yes i know, that is NOT a healthy relationship with anyone. But i so deeply invested myself and my love for these people, that it was tough to let it go. I still love them, and if i saw them i would give them a huge huge and tell them that i missed them greatly.
But its not that I miss the recent relationship with them. I miss the "past that could have been". I miss the friendship that was forming. I do not miss what it became. I do not hate them, i do not dislike them either. i dislike what the friendship became. that it the only thing that made it easier to movie on. and once i did, life became less stressful mentally and emotionally. I was always trying to prove myself, to prove i was worthy of their friendship, that i was trustworthy.
I was friends with someone whom they were not fond of all at. again, its a long story. But this began the heartbreak. They all refused to go my birthday dinner b/c she was invited. Then whenever i had a g2g, they would not go b/c she was there. I had to have separate parties at my house for those friends, and a different one where she was invited. i had to invite only certain people and if i had a party with her, and they were not invited they would be upset that i did not invite them. But it got so bad that when i was pregnant with my son, i planned a baby shower. and i invited everyone. but b/c one person was invited that entire group could not go. some refused, some made up excuses, some probably had legitimate excuses (although my family didn't believe any of the excuses). so those people whom i loved very much were not there for my baby shower, nor did they plan their own shower for me.
This was the CLIMAX of heartbreak. Then my hubby and I got engaged last year. The friend whom the other group did not like was becoming closer and closer to me. that is usually what happened when one person pushes you away so much, you naturally, subconsciously look elsewhere for a happy relationship (this is often why there are affairs). She made me a bridesmaid for her wedding, and when the time came, i decided to have her for my matron of honor. Well of course this upset the other group and they pretty much told me then and there that they were done. of course they were not nasty about it, it was more sad than anything. i shed a few tears with one of them over the phone. But that was that.
But i think it was best for them, for me and for everyone. I wish they were still close, but in the relationship that started, not where it lead to. i think it became toxic for all of us. They did love Jordan a lot. one of them would have been the best mommy in the world, but was not planning of having children. so she was great with jordan. I miss her and her little sister the most, as i was closest to them.
Time heals things. it will take time, maybe a lot of time. But it will be worth it to be able to smile with them again. It won't be the same, obviously. but it will be better than it is now, and we will all probably laugh at how young we were and how we had drama. if love is there, it will heal. so hopefully they love me as much as i love them. if not, it was not meant to be. that realizaton will probably break my heart a little more, but it won't be as painful as i have already been through with them.
This has been the hardest thing i have had in life and it still haunts me as i try to make new friends. They were such a huge part of my life (10-12 years of it). trying to make new friends has been easy, but my trust level in the friendship lasting is hard. i have been open and honest with these friends though, so that they know why i am slow at growing and investing in the relationship.
But my wedding was great! My new friends came and celebrated with me. I was not going to have any friends at my wedding, but my new friendships were strong enough for me to feel that they did belong there. To these people, I am grateful for their love and friendship. to the past friends, i feel that they are still friends - just long lost friends that will be rekindled as time heals all things.
Saturday, July 27, 2013
"For Beauty is Found Within..."
This is one of my Favorite lines from Disney's Beauty and The Beast. Why? Because it is SO true. But as I posted earlier, sometimes you need to feel beautiful, to be beautiful on the inside. Your feelings affect your emotions, which affect the way you appear on the inside and then that comes out on the outside. And the way you feel overall affects your daily performance. Follow me? I ramble on, I know. So if you have had days, weeks or months when you feel ugly it can take toll on your overall well being and even socialization. So let's get beautiful.
Well for the lovely ladies out there, my dear friend Roxanne over at dudeitsroxy.com has AMAZING SKIN. So if you are like me and have struggled with breakouts/sun damage and scarring since you were 13, then check out her blog post about her skincare addiction. I work with her, and I have seen the difference it has made for her and others who have tried her system out.
Also, as I posted before, if you want to have a good day whether it is going to work, running errands or staying at home cleaning house/doing yard work, you MUST start the day by looking your best. "But Cheryl, I am going to get all gross and grimy and take a shower anyway after I clean house, mow the lawn and prune the plants outside!" Yes well trust me, getting ready and looking your best makes you feel unstoppable, so you become more efficient and you do an overall better job. It is a weird mental thing.
"Getting Dressed to shoes" is what Flylady says. Her website is an amazing tool on how to keep your life and home clean and organized. Her advice is that you need to get fully dressed in order to seize the day. Same mentality of looking beautiful. If you look like a slob, you move slower, without purpose and do a mediocre job overall. Check her site out, it has helped me quite a bit!
Well for the lovely ladies out there, my dear friend Roxanne over at dudeitsroxy.com has AMAZING SKIN. So if you are like me and have struggled with breakouts/sun damage and scarring since you were 13, then check out her blog post about her skincare addiction. I work with her, and I have seen the difference it has made for her and others who have tried her system out.
Also, as I posted before, if you want to have a good day whether it is going to work, running errands or staying at home cleaning house/doing yard work, you MUST start the day by looking your best. "But Cheryl, I am going to get all gross and grimy and take a shower anyway after I clean house, mow the lawn and prune the plants outside!" Yes well trust me, getting ready and looking your best makes you feel unstoppable, so you become more efficient and you do an overall better job. It is a weird mental thing.
"Getting Dressed to shoes" is what Flylady says. Her website is an amazing tool on how to keep your life and home clean and organized. Her advice is that you need to get fully dressed in order to seize the day. Same mentality of looking beautiful. If you look like a slob, you move slower, without purpose and do a mediocre job overall. Check her site out, it has helped me quite a bit!
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Too Much Water Can Kill a Flower
Flowers in my life are my friendships! They are beautiful but take a lot of TLC. You cannot ignore them, you must maintain the relationship and give it plenty of water, not too much though. some Plants require a lot of water, some don't. some need 100% sun, some need shade and some are half and half. You must find this delicate balance with each friendship. Gardening is a lot of work, just ask any green thumb. Friendships are the same. Nothing comes easy.
Unfortunately for me, I tend to give a bit too much water at time. Water is something that cannot live without. So when i give water, i am helping people in their lives. When I give too much water, I am annoying them and killing the relationship. Like i said, some flowers don't need so much water. SOme friends would rather not me give them advice or helpful tips.
I don't mean to pry on their lives at all. I just feel that when i find something that works for me i am ready to share it with the world in hopes that I can help others! So when my friends don't take my advice, shrug me off or whatever, it hurts. I honestly feel rejected. I try not to feel that way, but hey, feelings are real and they are okay. it is how I handle those feelings. I usually say some snide comment. I obviously DO NOT handle this rejection well. but since i recognize it, i can fix it. it will just take time.
So if any of my friends read this, and they reject any feedback or advice.... I apologize to them. I only do it because i love and care for them so deeply. I will try not to snap at them, it is a tough emotional reaction to quit. But i hope that they do not give up on me. I am working on it. It is a shadow that i need to face.
Unfortunately for me, I tend to give a bit too much water at time. Water is something that cannot live without. So when i give water, i am helping people in their lives. When I give too much water, I am annoying them and killing the relationship. Like i said, some flowers don't need so much water. SOme friends would rather not me give them advice or helpful tips.
I don't mean to pry on their lives at all. I just feel that when i find something that works for me i am ready to share it with the world in hopes that I can help others! So when my friends don't take my advice, shrug me off or whatever, it hurts. I honestly feel rejected. I try not to feel that way, but hey, feelings are real and they are okay. it is how I handle those feelings. I usually say some snide comment. I obviously DO NOT handle this rejection well. but since i recognize it, i can fix it. it will just take time.
So if any of my friends read this, and they reject any feedback or advice.... I apologize to them. I only do it because i love and care for them so deeply. I will try not to snap at them, it is a tough emotional reaction to quit. But i hope that they do not give up on me. I am working on it. It is a shadow that i need to face.
Feeling beautiful sometimes starts from the outside.
Do you ever look in the mirror and feel ugly? Yes? Then you are most likely a woman. When you feel ugly on the outside, you tend to let that seep in under the skin, which makes you feel and even act ugly on the inside.
I usually wake up, wash my face, get ready for work and that is about it. No makeup, no special hair treatment. .. nothing. And I just feel blah. But every now and then, I feel like going all out, especially when I get to dress like a pirate for my job. I usual do something to my hair. And I get complimented on it, like I did today.
When I get compliments about how I look, I automatically feel happier. I get a sudden shot of positivity and damn I feel good!
So maybe I should wake up every morning and put on a little makeup, do my hair, etc. Look in the mirror and give myself that nice mental compliment. Maybe then I will be set for the day. I will be happier, more positive and less hard on myself as well as others. The beauty inside will come out as well.
Even if I end up staying home doing chores all day, I will be more productive and less lazy.i will walk and clean with a purpose, be faster, more efficient and do an overall better job.
This will be a nice and simple tool to help build my confidence and positive attitude as I walk along my peppermint trail.
I usually wake up, wash my face, get ready for work and that is about it. No makeup, no special hair treatment. .. nothing. And I just feel blah. But every now and then, I feel like going all out, especially when I get to dress like a pirate for my job. I usual do something to my hair. And I get complimented on it, like I did today.
When I get compliments about how I look, I automatically feel happier. I get a sudden shot of positivity and damn I feel good!
So maybe I should wake up every morning and put on a little makeup, do my hair, etc. Look in the mirror and give myself that nice mental compliment. Maybe then I will be set for the day. I will be happier, more positive and less hard on myself as well as others. The beauty inside will come out as well.
Even if I end up staying home doing chores all day, I will be more productive and less lazy.i will walk and clean with a purpose, be faster, more efficient and do an overall better job.
This will be a nice and simple tool to help build my confidence and positive attitude as I walk along my peppermint trail.
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Dreaming - the sleeping kind - and how they help steer you in the right direction
A few nights ago I had 2 dreams in a row that had to deal with losing something important to me. The first dream was about losing my cell phone. I was in an airport and I plugged my phone into one of their free chargers (in a restroom, not sure why it was in a restroom but nothing makes sense in dreams). I went around the corner to wash my hands. When I returned to my phone, it was gone. I began freaking out. Like most people, EVERYTHING is on my phone. I have contacts, birthdays, photos, video, calendar notifications, etc. Luckily EVERYTHING is backed up daily (sometimes hourly) by Google's free cloud services (gotta love Google/Android). But still, I felt stripped from my stuff. The phone alone is a $600 phone, not cheap to replace! Luckily I woke up pretty quickly, saw my phone on my bed side table, took a deep breath and went back to sleep.
My second dream was way worse. My hubby, Jordan and I were in some huge building. It was an a old galleria of some sort, kind of like a museum. But it had been transformed into a shopping and dining structure, as well as a small bed and breakfast on the second floor. Near the entrance of the bed and breakfast, there is a gift shop, mostly toys and knick knacks like you see in most tourist areas. We were checking into the B&B and Jordan was playing in the toy section. I kept my eye on him like a hawk. he kept going behind this unit that was full of puppets (which he loves). Clint kept asking where he is, and he was always popping out behind the structure. Then after a few minutes, he didn't pop out. I went over there and he was not there. I began searching for him frantically, but didn't yell out his name (sometimes kids hide more if you scream their names). I could not find him. Then i called for him, Clint called for him. After searching for what seemed an hour, we never found him and we went to the police. I felt like i would never see him again. Then i woke up, breathing really hard! I was exhausted, it was 5am and I had never felt SO GOOD waking up way too early for work.
I looked up what it meant to have something stolen, particularly a cell phone. It said that something was not going as I had planned. And then when I looked up the meaning of the second dream, "losing a child", it said that I was losing hope. A child represents hope in a dream. so whatever happens to the child is what is happening to your hope.
I am trying to take this info that my subconscious has given me, and figure out what is going on, and how I need to address it.
Dreams are interesting things.
My second dream was way worse. My hubby, Jordan and I were in some huge building. It was an a old galleria of some sort, kind of like a museum. But it had been transformed into a shopping and dining structure, as well as a small bed and breakfast on the second floor. Near the entrance of the bed and breakfast, there is a gift shop, mostly toys and knick knacks like you see in most tourist areas. We were checking into the B&B and Jordan was playing in the toy section. I kept my eye on him like a hawk. he kept going behind this unit that was full of puppets (which he loves). Clint kept asking where he is, and he was always popping out behind the structure. Then after a few minutes, he didn't pop out. I went over there and he was not there. I began searching for him frantically, but didn't yell out his name (sometimes kids hide more if you scream their names). I could not find him. Then i called for him, Clint called for him. After searching for what seemed an hour, we never found him and we went to the police. I felt like i would never see him again. Then i woke up, breathing really hard! I was exhausted, it was 5am and I had never felt SO GOOD waking up way too early for work.
I looked up what it meant to have something stolen, particularly a cell phone. It said that something was not going as I had planned. And then when I looked up the meaning of the second dream, "losing a child", it said that I was losing hope. A child represents hope in a dream. so whatever happens to the child is what is happening to your hope.
I am trying to take this info that my subconscious has given me, and figure out what is going on, and how I need to address it.
Dreams are interesting things.
Friday, July 19, 2013
Am I a Know-it-all? or just Empathetically Compassionate?
I have been called a "know-it-all" only once in my life. That one time was from someone i love dearly, and it hit me hard. I never thought of myself as a "know-it-all". I am nothing like Hermione Granger, which is who comes to mind when I think of this title.
In school, when a teacher asked a question, and i knew the answer, I did not raise my hand and answer the question. I always figured that although i was 99% sure i had the answer right, there was always a chance that i had it wrong, and I didn't want to prove to anyone how stupid i was if i answered it wrong. But 9 times out of 10 - I had it right all along. Then the ONE TIME i decided to answer the teacher, i would get it wrong.
So i quickly became the kid that rarely rose her hand, b/c i never knew if i was right. I have felt that way all my life. So when someone says that I am a "know-it-all", I get really confused.
Then a few days ago i was randomly pondering about this, and i had an "AH HAH" moment - "LIGHTBULLLLLB!!".
It is NOT that I am a "know-it-all" it is that I have such a high amount of empathy and compassion that when I hear others talking trash, or complaining, or talking negative about someone or something - i feel that i have to "fix the facts" or throw in my 2 cents to get these people to think again.
People get so bent out of shape about stuff without even knowing what is going on. So if i happen to know what is going on, i will fix the facts so that they understand more, and they can stop being bent out of shape. Or maybe they trash talk someone, i will set the story straight if i know the truth behind it. I am not trying to be a know-it-all. I am trying to open my empathetic and compassionate heart to help other open their eyes and minds. Maybe it is because I have something to say about everything, well that is a different situation that i need to fix. I am trying to say less, listen more.
In school, when a teacher asked a question, and i knew the answer, I did not raise my hand and answer the question. I always figured that although i was 99% sure i had the answer right, there was always a chance that i had it wrong, and I didn't want to prove to anyone how stupid i was if i answered it wrong. But 9 times out of 10 - I had it right all along. Then the ONE TIME i decided to answer the teacher, i would get it wrong.
So i quickly became the kid that rarely rose her hand, b/c i never knew if i was right. I have felt that way all my life. So when someone says that I am a "know-it-all", I get really confused.
Then a few days ago i was randomly pondering about this, and i had an "AH HAH" moment - "LIGHTBULLLLLB!!".
It is NOT that I am a "know-it-all" it is that I have such a high amount of empathy and compassion that when I hear others talking trash, or complaining, or talking negative about someone or something - i feel that i have to "fix the facts" or throw in my 2 cents to get these people to think again.
People get so bent out of shape about stuff without even knowing what is going on. So if i happen to know what is going on, i will fix the facts so that they understand more, and they can stop being bent out of shape. Or maybe they trash talk someone, i will set the story straight if i know the truth behind it. I am not trying to be a know-it-all. I am trying to open my empathetic and compassionate heart to help other open their eyes and minds. Maybe it is because I have something to say about everything, well that is a different situation that i need to fix. I am trying to say less, listen more.
Speaking when not spoken to...
I remember watching Oprah, or something similar, when I was a teenager and a guest on the show intrigued me. The guest had made a personal promise to not speak a word for 1 full year. They could use a computer to type messages, or write down notes. But absolutely NO SPEAKING. Why? They said that it was a way to search themselves, to become a listener. I really don't remember the details of why, but i remember the basic idea and the outcome. This person did in fact become more of a listener instead of a talker. They also decided to not talk so much anymore after the full year was over. They also began to question why they ever felt that they had to talk so much in the first place.
Sometimes I feel that this is a journey that i must go on. unfortunately, my job requires me to talk A LOT. Some days I will suffer from laryngitis because i talk so much, even yell over the loud music in the area. So there is no way that i could actually do a 365 day silence. But I can calm it down.
I love to talk, not sure why. Maybe because I look for ways to fit into the conversation, to be accepted. I talk loud too! not on purpose, i really have a hearing issue. I can pass hearing tests no problem. But for some reason I cannot hear myself very well. When i feel like i am talking normal, i am loud to others. If i talk at a good volume, i cannot hear a word coming out of my mouth, and i get lost in what i am saying. So i naturally talk loud.
So i love to talk, and when i do, i talk LOUD. Not a good combo, huh? Well it is something that has made others not enjoy my company. I don't blame them, i get annoyed when someone walks into the room and starts talking loud and being overly silly for the attention. I probably look like THAT person to others.
I have already started this fix, but it will be a long and slow process since i must talk so much at my daily job. When I hear conversation, let THEM talk. Don't butt in. Only join, when they begin to speak to you. When I walk into a room, don't say anything but a simple Good morning/Good Afternoon etc. This will be my first step. I do NOT want to try everything all at once. I will have to tackle this one step at a time.
Why do I care about all this? Well in order to find Peace in life, I must project Peace to the World. How can i be peaceful when i make those around me uncomfortable. Some people will argue, "but people should accept you for who you are". My response to that is simple this: one cannot expect to be at peace within themselves if they know that their ways are affecting others negatively. Of course you cannot make everyone happy, but trust me - walking into a room, announcing yourself and being loud and silly is not going to make anyone happy - in fact it gets annoying and in the end, it will make you unhappy.
Being negative all the time does the same thing. however if people dislike you because you are bubbly and positive all the time, then that is their problem, b/c it may annoy a few, but most people will be able to feed off of that energy, and will make their day (and yours) better!
As long as you accept yourself then you really have nothing to change - if being loud and obnoxious works for you, then keep it up. however if it is making it harder for you to find peace, you must embrace this part of you, find a good use for it, then limit it to ONLY certain situations.
Never shut down a part of yourself, it will erupt like a volcano one day - or send you into a deep depression (more on that topic later).
Sometimes I feel that this is a journey that i must go on. unfortunately, my job requires me to talk A LOT. Some days I will suffer from laryngitis because i talk so much, even yell over the loud music in the area. So there is no way that i could actually do a 365 day silence. But I can calm it down.
I love to talk, not sure why. Maybe because I look for ways to fit into the conversation, to be accepted. I talk loud too! not on purpose, i really have a hearing issue. I can pass hearing tests no problem. But for some reason I cannot hear myself very well. When i feel like i am talking normal, i am loud to others. If i talk at a good volume, i cannot hear a word coming out of my mouth, and i get lost in what i am saying. So i naturally talk loud.
So i love to talk, and when i do, i talk LOUD. Not a good combo, huh? Well it is something that has made others not enjoy my company. I don't blame them, i get annoyed when someone walks into the room and starts talking loud and being overly silly for the attention. I probably look like THAT person to others.
I have already started this fix, but it will be a long and slow process since i must talk so much at my daily job. When I hear conversation, let THEM talk. Don't butt in. Only join, when they begin to speak to you. When I walk into a room, don't say anything but a simple Good morning/Good Afternoon etc. This will be my first step. I do NOT want to try everything all at once. I will have to tackle this one step at a time.
Why do I care about all this? Well in order to find Peace in life, I must project Peace to the World. How can i be peaceful when i make those around me uncomfortable. Some people will argue, "but people should accept you for who you are". My response to that is simple this: one cannot expect to be at peace within themselves if they know that their ways are affecting others negatively. Of course you cannot make everyone happy, but trust me - walking into a room, announcing yourself and being loud and silly is not going to make anyone happy - in fact it gets annoying and in the end, it will make you unhappy.
Being negative all the time does the same thing. however if people dislike you because you are bubbly and positive all the time, then that is their problem, b/c it may annoy a few, but most people will be able to feed off of that energy, and will make their day (and yours) better!
As long as you accept yourself then you really have nothing to change - if being loud and obnoxious works for you, then keep it up. however if it is making it harder for you to find peace, you must embrace this part of you, find a good use for it, then limit it to ONLY certain situations.
Never shut down a part of yourself, it will erupt like a volcano one day - or send you into a deep depression (more on that topic later).
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Finding Weeds in Your Life
Along my Peppermint Trail, I am beginning to realize that i have weeds growing between the rocks, grass and flowers.
Some weeds have been mistaken for flowers actually. They were gorgeous and i let them grow because they showed their lovely purple petals just after a few days. But then I realize that this particular weed was growing some pretty evasive root systems underneath the soil. By doing this, the weed was taking over my lovely grass and flower beds. So now they are beginning to die off and my garden along my trail is looking tired, worn down and, well, DEAD.
The weeds in our lives are people that tend to poison out well being. These people are not bad. they hold a purpose in life and are often perfect people for others. But for you, not good at all. Some weeds you want to like because you see that they are in fact fun people to be around. But something doesn't feel right, and soon you find out that this person is actually not good for you.
I hate to pick the weed and take them out for good, because i honestly do feel that everyone is in your life for a reason. But maybe i should just move them out of my lovely garden along my daily path. Maybe i can keep the weeds along a bank that leads down to the river? yes that way it stay a healthy relationship. I am not getting them out of my life, nor am i ignoring them. Instead I will always be honest and nice when i see them. But they are not going to be a big part of my life. If they are super evasive, then i will have to completely remove them. but luckily i have not met many like that in my life.
do not remove people from your life, unless you must - it is a last resort. every weed has a reason to sprout in your life. It is often a gift of life. maybe to teach you a lesson about yourself, so pay attention, and keep your Dream Compass pointing at Love when you find these weeds!
Some weeds have been mistaken for flowers actually. They were gorgeous and i let them grow because they showed their lovely purple petals just after a few days. But then I realize that this particular weed was growing some pretty evasive root systems underneath the soil. By doing this, the weed was taking over my lovely grass and flower beds. So now they are beginning to die off and my garden along my trail is looking tired, worn down and, well, DEAD.
The weeds in our lives are people that tend to poison out well being. These people are not bad. they hold a purpose in life and are often perfect people for others. But for you, not good at all. Some weeds you want to like because you see that they are in fact fun people to be around. But something doesn't feel right, and soon you find out that this person is actually not good for you.
I hate to pick the weed and take them out for good, because i honestly do feel that everyone is in your life for a reason. But maybe i should just move them out of my lovely garden along my daily path. Maybe i can keep the weeds along a bank that leads down to the river? yes that way it stay a healthy relationship. I am not getting them out of my life, nor am i ignoring them. Instead I will always be honest and nice when i see them. But they are not going to be a big part of my life. If they are super evasive, then i will have to completely remove them. but luckily i have not met many like that in my life.
do not remove people from your life, unless you must - it is a last resort. every weed has a reason to sprout in your life. It is often a gift of life. maybe to teach you a lesson about yourself, so pay attention, and keep your Dream Compass pointing at Love when you find these weeds!
Monday, July 15, 2013
Optimistic Gardening within Yourself
So you often hear that gardeners are optimistic. I didn't really get it until i recently tried to do some small in home gardening. I began with a small kit of herbs (basil, parsley and chives), then I added Strawberries! I bought these not knowing how it was going to turn out, if they would live? if i would kill them, if these cheap kits even work. would i be wasting money??? Or is this going to be totally worth the $7 I spent at Big Lots. So I began to think optimistically.
At least one seed has to take, and then it will definitely be worth the money and effort.
I planted my seeds in the pots and watered them for 3 days straight. I began to notice the basil first. I was SO EXCITED!!! Then a few days later - CHIVES! i began to feel a bit discouraged after i noticed that the strawberry plant had not grown at all after 2 weeks, same for parsley. Then a tiny sproutling appeared - a baby strawberry plant (it was like when WALL-E and EVE discovered the plant on EARTH - SO EXCITED). I then began to realize that some things take more time and tlc than others, and 2 days later parsley arrived.
I planted and watered the seeds on the same day, they sit in the same sunlight, on the same window sil. I water (mist) them the same amount, yet they all grow differently. Basil was fast and plentiful, Chives followed in big numbers too. The strawberry plant seems to be the one that needs most TLC, and parsley is just slow to start, but plentiful and easy to grow.
Plants are like relationships in life. Relationship with yourself, your family, your friends and your unfriendly acquaintance (better name for enemies). I don't like using the word enemies, b/c I feel like "enemies" can become friends, so really they are just acquaintances that are unfriendly with us at the moment. Basil is your Family and BFFs... Right there,f or you from the get go, easy to grow with plenty of love. Chives are your other friends and friendly acquaintances, they take a little longer to come around, but are plentiful! Strawberries are YOURSELF - you try so hard to get it going but when you don't see immediate results, you feel discouraged, then you begin to sprout in life, and you feel good again. The parsley are your unfriendly acquaintances - you need to sprout in life, before you can fix your not so happy relationships (or begin to accept them and move on if they are broken relationships). Use your water (hard work) and sunlight (optimism) to grow your roots deep and become grounded. once you are there - Life's relationships will open up and will lead you to happiness.
=)
At least one seed has to take, and then it will definitely be worth the money and effort.
I planted my seeds in the pots and watered them for 3 days straight. I began to notice the basil first. I was SO EXCITED!!! Then a few days later - CHIVES! i began to feel a bit discouraged after i noticed that the strawberry plant had not grown at all after 2 weeks, same for parsley. Then a tiny sproutling appeared - a baby strawberry plant (it was like when WALL-E and EVE discovered the plant on EARTH - SO EXCITED). I then began to realize that some things take more time and tlc than others, and 2 days later parsley arrived.
I planted and watered the seeds on the same day, they sit in the same sunlight, on the same window sil. I water (mist) them the same amount, yet they all grow differently. Basil was fast and plentiful, Chives followed in big numbers too. The strawberry plant seems to be the one that needs most TLC, and parsley is just slow to start, but plentiful and easy to grow.
Plants are like relationships in life. Relationship with yourself, your family, your friends and your unfriendly acquaintance (better name for enemies). I don't like using the word enemies, b/c I feel like "enemies" can become friends, so really they are just acquaintances that are unfriendly with us at the moment. Basil is your Family and BFFs... Right there,f or you from the get go, easy to grow with plenty of love. Chives are your other friends and friendly acquaintances, they take a little longer to come around, but are plentiful! Strawberries are YOURSELF - you try so hard to get it going but when you don't see immediate results, you feel discouraged, then you begin to sprout in life, and you feel good again. The parsley are your unfriendly acquaintances - you need to sprout in life, before you can fix your not so happy relationships (or begin to accept them and move on if they are broken relationships). Use your water (hard work) and sunlight (optimism) to grow your roots deep and become grounded. once you are there - Life's relationships will open up and will lead you to happiness.
=)
Sunday, July 14, 2013
Laughter is Emotional Medication
Jordan is a mini me, as I mentioned before. So he makes a great learning tool for me. You know how it is tough for us to see how we act b/c we are too close to ourselves. We all just with we could step back and see ourselves through another's eyes. Jordan is great for that since his emotional side is a lot like mine.
Today we took my son to Disney. I, personally had to go say hello to Tinker Bell today. Well, Jordan usually loves to go meet the fairies., but today he was not having it. He began to have a meltdown as soon as we saw Vidia. Luckily Vidia remember him from a prior meeting, so she knew he was normally really fun, snuggly and likes kissing them on the hand. She quickly began to tickle him, of course he cracked up. she Would stop to meet another guest, then later ran back over to him for one more tickle. Then it was time to meet Tink. He was a little better, more shy this time, not so angry and whiney. She got him to laugh a bit too, and before you know it he was in her lap, smiling. he still wouldn't kiss her hand, but what started as a meltdown ended in a smile.... all because of laughter. He quickly forgot about why he was upset and after we left he said he wanted to go see Tinker Bell again!
So what did I learn about myself? Sometimes I just need to laugh. quit trying to stay angry at something, move on and laugh with everyone, it might be just he medication that i needed to get over some things and move on in life!
Today we took my son to Disney. I, personally had to go say hello to Tinker Bell today. Well, Jordan usually loves to go meet the fairies., but today he was not having it. He began to have a meltdown as soon as we saw Vidia. Luckily Vidia remember him from a prior meeting, so she knew he was normally really fun, snuggly and likes kissing them on the hand. She quickly began to tickle him, of course he cracked up. she Would stop to meet another guest, then later ran back over to him for one more tickle. Then it was time to meet Tink. He was a little better, more shy this time, not so angry and whiney. She got him to laugh a bit too, and before you know it he was in her lap, smiling. he still wouldn't kiss her hand, but what started as a meltdown ended in a smile.... all because of laughter. He quickly forgot about why he was upset and after we left he said he wanted to go see Tinker Bell again!
So what did I learn about myself? Sometimes I just need to laugh. quit trying to stay angry at something, move on and laugh with everyone, it might be just he medication that i needed to get over some things and move on in life!
Friday, July 12, 2013
Communicate Love
At my job we constantly have lost children. Parents often walk and talk on their phones, check text messages, argue amongst themselves, etc. Meanwhile, little Johnny drops his favorite new toy. So of course he stops to pick it up. As soon as he stands back up, Mommy and Daddy are gone. So the kid wanders a few steps, then begins to cry. Some kids may get lost simply because they "see shiny things" and walk toward the toys, video games, or something else they fancy. In this case, it is the child's fault for walking away, BUT the child comes to the same scary situation - "where is my family??"
One of my fellow co-workers finds the little boy and begins the 3 step process to finding the "lost parents", as we call them. First step, stay where the kid last saw the parents. Step 2, if parents have not shown up in 15 minutes(yes it seems long, but that is the LEGAL time frame we are given) then call security. Step 3, take the child to the Family care center/first aid to be reunited because this is where we send all of the lost children and parents.
But children do not care about steps 1, 2, and 3. All they care about is that mommy and daddy left them. they walked away, they did not look back. will they ever find their parents? are they all alone? will they be kidnapped?? some kids think about that. most kids are traumatized by the short separation. I have helped several lost children over the past 8 years and they are always crying and often ask me if they will be able to see their family again. This seems to be their biggest fear. Heartbreaking right?
So this kid is bawling, scared to death, wanting nothing but to see mommy and run into her arms and and hear her say i love you, i am so sorry, and to repeat it back.
But NO.... 9 times out of 10.... all i see is a parent's worried face, quickly turning to anger and they begin yelling at their kids in front of 100s of people! The child quickly feels unloved and humiliated in front of so many strangers. the kid thinks subconsciously "mommy doesn't love me, she hates me because i didn't stay with her, and broke the rules."
See kids do not understand that for that 5 minutes of separation, we, as parents, worry sick about our kids. We are worried that the most precious thing in the world to us may have gotten hurt or kidnapped. We begin to think of life without them, and we worry more. we think about how much we love them and how we would not be able to go on without them. We think about how scared and sad they must be, we want to hold them, but we cannot, because we cannot find them. So if we feel that way, why on earth do we not tell them that? instead we start yelling at them when we see them. its a natural reaction. fear turns to anger pretty quickly. But as a parent, who is responsible for the future well being of our children, we must stop this habit.
Best thing you can do is Communicate love. why don't we tell our kids how worried we were? tell them how we were so afraid that someone could have kidnapped them, we felt helpless that we couldn't hug them knowing that they were probably scared. and we should always explain that we love them so much, and that is why we have rules set in place to stay together. because life would not be the same without them.
Above all Communicate your love, no matter what. Love is the foundation, as soon as you crack that, you will never find happiness in that relationship. Everything else builds on top of that. Keep love strong, and everything else will follow. You will be amazed at how your kids will respond to this - Honesty, Respect, Family... everything is better if you always communicate love.
Don't be a Llama Face - The Kuzco Effect
Have you ever seen Despicable Me? When Gru gets an idea he says "light buuuuuulb". Well, I just had a light bulb moment.
One thing that I have recently noticed, and hated about myself is that I tend to throw myself into other people's conversation. For example, a friend is talking about her kid, I listen along for a bit. She talks about her kid having fun in the bath. So I quickly talk about Jordan and how funny he is with his crocodile toy. Or someone is talking about how they love their new haircut, and I butt in and talk about mine. I feel like I am annoying, and I hate it after the fact.
I realized, I am not trying to butt in to put the spotlight on me. I am just trying find how I fit into everything in life. How can i connect with these people? If we have something in common, maybe we can grow from that.
Ok now that I have this figured out, how can I communicate this, and how can I fix my approach so that I don't seem "all about me"?... kinda of like Kuzco. For all you Disney peeps, you know what I mean when I say the Kuzco Effect and not wanting to be a llama face!
In Disney's The Emperor's New Groove, Kuzco the emperor is very selfish and only cares about himself. Throughout the film he keeps the focus on himself and gets jealous when the story begins to side with Pacha, a villager. He often tries to steal back the spotlight. In the end he mends his ways and learns to care about others and open his heart.
But I am not like Kuzco, however I may be coming off like that in my approach to conversation... this is what I need to fix. It is not about me, I just want to fit in.
One thing that I have recently noticed, and hated about myself is that I tend to throw myself into other people's conversation. For example, a friend is talking about her kid, I listen along for a bit. She talks about her kid having fun in the bath. So I quickly talk about Jordan and how funny he is with his crocodile toy. Or someone is talking about how they love their new haircut, and I butt in and talk about mine. I feel like I am annoying, and I hate it after the fact.
I realized, I am not trying to butt in to put the spotlight on me. I am just trying find how I fit into everything in life. How can i connect with these people? If we have something in common, maybe we can grow from that.
Ok now that I have this figured out, how can I communicate this, and how can I fix my approach so that I don't seem "all about me"?... kinda of like Kuzco. For all you Disney peeps, you know what I mean when I say the Kuzco Effect and not wanting to be a llama face!
In Disney's The Emperor's New Groove, Kuzco the emperor is very selfish and only cares about himself. Throughout the film he keeps the focus on himself and gets jealous when the story begins to side with Pacha, a villager. He often tries to steal back the spotlight. In the end he mends his ways and learns to care about others and open his heart.
But I am not like Kuzco, however I may be coming off like that in my approach to conversation... this is what I need to fix. It is not about me, I just want to fit in.
Thursday, July 11, 2013
My Little Emotional Clone
My son, Jordan, is a perfect replica of me. Well, his frustrated angry self is just like me. His free spirited silliness is more like his daddy. When Jordan does not get his way, he hits things, throws things and will even resort to hurting himself. I used to hurt myself or put myself in harms way.
When I saw him biting himself really hard one day after he got angry with me. I immediately realized that he is struggling with his emotions, as I always have. Here is my chance to take something so negative in my life and turn it around and make it positive.
I realize that if I had not gone through this, I would not have noticed it, nor understood it. But since I do, I am trying to figure out how I can help him. So far, I have just been giving him a hug, telling him I love him and also telling him that I understand his frustrations, and that I get angry too. But hurting yourself only makes it worse. Instead he should give a loud scream, and cry. it is better to let it out than hold it in. Holding it in i think made me hurt myself. If I could have just run into my parent's arms and cried it out, I would have. But I never felt that I could do that. I was punished for crying and screaming, so I think deep inside it made me hold my emotions in.
In our house, we allow crying - NOT WHINING. crying is okay. It is the best healer. A quick scream to release anger is healthy too. Constant screaming - Not okay. This is not scientifically proven, this is just something that I have noticed works for MY personality. And since Jordan seems to be my emotional clone, I hope that I can help him cope this in 5 years, when it took me 30 years.
I think God gave me this little gift in my son to help me learn as well. I still struggle to handle my emotions, you can ask my hubby! I think seeing my emotions in my son it gives me a different perspective and gives me a different view on how to handle it. What a blessing I have!
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
My Dream Compass
quick warning: I don't always proofread this late in the evening, I was never a good English student, I am an artist. I type what my mind is thinking, so forgive me for any errors or if i repeat myself. =)
You will learn that I LOVE visual analogies. I will often come up with things (often in nature) to explain life situations. When I was in high school I often said that relationships are one giant river. No I am not going to use the cliche "fish in the sea" analogy. I said that at age 15 I came to a river and saw rushing water. The river was terrifying to me, and I didn't know how to get across to the other side to finish my journey in life. Then I saw stepping stones. So i stepped on the first stone. It seemed sturdy for a bit, but then it was so small and rounded that I quickly slipped off, so i jumped to the next stone. This one was more flat, but still not sturdy enough to hold me up if I lost balance. After so many stones i figured by the end of my journey across the river the last stone would be the sturdiest rock and one that i could depend on for anything along the rest of my journey. So i would then pick it up and keep it for the rest of my life (symbolizing marriage). While the analogy made sense, the ex boyfriends did not like it that i made them sound like "stepping stones"! Ha ha! Of course i didn't mean it in such a disrespectful way at all, especially since i find stepping stones beautiful and very important in nature.
But to continue onto this Blog:
Another Element to this pathway of healing is the Dream Compass. When you are lost in the woods you use a compass, right? Well when you are lost in life, you use the Dream Compass. Only your dreams are what keep you going in life and if you pay attention to them, they will help you find the way. A regular compass has 4 directions: North, South, East and West.... or as you may have learned in grade school (Never Eat Sour Watermelons, or Slimy Worms! ha ha!). The Dream compass also has 4 directions. Happiness, Money, Love and Peace.
Money???? Why MONEY??? THAT IS MATERIALISTIC!!!!!
Yes, yes it is. But unfortunately we live in a material world.....(and I am a material girl..............yea couldn't help myself there)
Seriously though - we live in a materialistic world. This is reality. In a world where money didn't matter, all we would hope for is happiness, love and peace (health falls under peace). But here is why money becomes an important part. you need food to live, you need money for food. you need shelter, you need money for rent, or mortgage. then you need to pay for the power to stay on and water to run, need a job to pay for all of that? Then you need transportation to get to the job. Whether it is a bike, car or a bus ticket, you need money to pay for it. If you have a comfortable amount of money, then you are not stressed. if you are like me then you live paycheck to paycheck, and constantly worry about what bill you can afford, and what bill will have to be late. Also if you have enough left over to buy the good groceries, or just stick to Ramen Noodles and bananas for a week. But too much money makes you unhappy. P.Diddy knew what he meant when he said Mo' Money Mo' Problems. So there is a sweet spot, just enough money to live comfortably is all you need to keep stress away. lack of stress makes it easier to be happy.
Peace is inner peace with yourself, with your neighbors, loved ones, stranger and even enemies. This one is hard to obtain because you often have to work hard on forgiving and forgetting things. And if you are like me, that can take years to get over the past. However if you are like my hubby, it just rolls right off your back, and you are lucky! Peace can also include health, mentally and physically. Your body cannot be at peace until it is healthy - however i feel that if you are ill you can find inner peace by keeping optimism high and seeing the beauty in what life has given you. Make lemonade out of lemons. Like i mentioned, Health can be a mental thing too. You must find peace within your life in order to be truly happy.
Love is the third one and most important. You must love yourself in order to love others. You do not have to find a mate, or have others love you. Only worry about yourself and your love for others. Love the Earth, Love your spirituality, whatever. If you are religious, love your deity, and keep your heart in it and you will find love.
ALL ROADS POINT NORTH - or with my compass, all roads point to Happiness! You need the first 3 directions in order to find true happiness.
Which Direction is the hardest for you to find? Mine is Peace, I need inner peace and I have too many cuts that have not healed, I think I need to heal this before I can even love myself completely.
You will learn that I LOVE visual analogies. I will often come up with things (often in nature) to explain life situations. When I was in high school I often said that relationships are one giant river. No I am not going to use the cliche "fish in the sea" analogy. I said that at age 15 I came to a river and saw rushing water. The river was terrifying to me, and I didn't know how to get across to the other side to finish my journey in life. Then I saw stepping stones. So i stepped on the first stone. It seemed sturdy for a bit, but then it was so small and rounded that I quickly slipped off, so i jumped to the next stone. This one was more flat, but still not sturdy enough to hold me up if I lost balance. After so many stones i figured by the end of my journey across the river the last stone would be the sturdiest rock and one that i could depend on for anything along the rest of my journey. So i would then pick it up and keep it for the rest of my life (symbolizing marriage). While the analogy made sense, the ex boyfriends did not like it that i made them sound like "stepping stones"! Ha ha! Of course i didn't mean it in such a disrespectful way at all, especially since i find stepping stones beautiful and very important in nature.
But to continue onto this Blog:
Another Element to this pathway of healing is the Dream Compass. When you are lost in the woods you use a compass, right? Well when you are lost in life, you use the Dream Compass. Only your dreams are what keep you going in life and if you pay attention to them, they will help you find the way. A regular compass has 4 directions: North, South, East and West.... or as you may have learned in grade school (Never Eat Sour Watermelons, or Slimy Worms! ha ha!). The Dream compass also has 4 directions. Happiness, Money, Love and Peace.
Money???? Why MONEY??? THAT IS MATERIALISTIC!!!!!
Yes, yes it is. But unfortunately we live in a material world.....(and I am a material girl..............yea couldn't help myself there)
Seriously though - we live in a materialistic world. This is reality. In a world where money didn't matter, all we would hope for is happiness, love and peace (health falls under peace). But here is why money becomes an important part. you need food to live, you need money for food. you need shelter, you need money for rent, or mortgage. then you need to pay for the power to stay on and water to run, need a job to pay for all of that? Then you need transportation to get to the job. Whether it is a bike, car or a bus ticket, you need money to pay for it. If you have a comfortable amount of money, then you are not stressed. if you are like me then you live paycheck to paycheck, and constantly worry about what bill you can afford, and what bill will have to be late. Also if you have enough left over to buy the good groceries, or just stick to Ramen Noodles and bananas for a week. But too much money makes you unhappy. P.Diddy knew what he meant when he said Mo' Money Mo' Problems. So there is a sweet spot, just enough money to live comfortably is all you need to keep stress away. lack of stress makes it easier to be happy.
Peace is inner peace with yourself, with your neighbors, loved ones, stranger and even enemies. This one is hard to obtain because you often have to work hard on forgiving and forgetting things. And if you are like me, that can take years to get over the past. However if you are like my hubby, it just rolls right off your back, and you are lucky! Peace can also include health, mentally and physically. Your body cannot be at peace until it is healthy - however i feel that if you are ill you can find inner peace by keeping optimism high and seeing the beauty in what life has given you. Make lemonade out of lemons. Like i mentioned, Health can be a mental thing too. You must find peace within your life in order to be truly happy.
Love is the third one and most important. You must love yourself in order to love others. You do not have to find a mate, or have others love you. Only worry about yourself and your love for others. Love the Earth, Love your spirituality, whatever. If you are religious, love your deity, and keep your heart in it and you will find love.
ALL ROADS POINT NORTH - or with my compass, all roads point to Happiness! You need the first 3 directions in order to find true happiness.
Which Direction is the hardest for you to find? Mine is Peace, I need inner peace and I have too many cuts that have not healed, I think I need to heal this before I can even love myself completely.
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Finding my Way on The Peppermint Trail
Lately I have been feeling like I am lost in life. Don't get me wrong, I have an AMAZING life. I have a wonderful husband, a beautiful son, and amazing house in a fantastic neighborhood, a great job that I love and loving friends and family behind me.
But I have always struggled with acceptance... with myself. I have dark shadows within me. Not demons, just shadows. What is a shadow? Shadows are those beings inside yourself that you "hate". Whenever the angry mobster comes out, that is a shadow. Road rage? Yes, a shadow. Maybe even fear. if you are afraid of something and you hate the fact that you are afraid, that my friends, is a shadow.
When you grow up learning to hate these things about you, you end up hating yourself. You can no longer accept yourself for who you are. So how can you expect others to accept you too? You cannot.
I have lived my entire childhood trying to be accepted. The "popular kids" always made fun of me, mocked me and made me feel like an outcasted idiot. I would try to stoop to their level and say similar things back to them, or to other kids thinking that I would be accepted. But no, that did not work. in fact it just isolated me more.
As an adult, I have of course grown out of that. But, I still struggle to accept myself and feel accepted by others. I have lost a lot of friends based on some over dramatic situation with which I had no control over. But my choice to stay neutral in this situation lead me to slowly lose those who were so close to me, those whom I loved so much. This heartbreaking moment left me with questions about myself. I began to shut down all friendships. Just recently I have tried to open back up.
I am on a new journey to find myself in this world. I need to accept myself for who I am first. Then find my path, my calling in life.
This is the Peppermint Trail. A peppermint is a symbol for healing, as it has many healing properties. It also seems to make everything better once you smell it or drink it in tea. It immediately calms you on a stressful day, or it can excite you when you are gloomy. My journey on this blog is hopefully going to help me open up. If i am honest with myself to the world, then i have nothing to hide, nor nothing to be ashamed of.
No one has to read this, No one has to like me. this is for me, but if you wish to read along, i hope i can inspire you if you struggle with similar things in life.
This blog is about finding my way in life, following my dreams, accepting myself, accepting others, thinking aloud, voicing frustrations but mostly embracing my life and myself. I will share my magical memories, my struggles, my triumphs, my sadness, my compassion, my anger and my love.
Thank you,
Cheryl
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